Back to the Beginning

May 29, 2013: "I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken." Psalms 16:8

I’m going to back up a bit and just see where this leads me. The short story is that I started to deal with numbness, headaches, and some crazy bouts of dizziness; enough that they began to scare me a bit. When I brought my terrified little self to the doctor, he began to narrow in on my heart and my brain. Tests were ordered, blood was drawn, and my anxiety rose. We kept quiet, not wanting to worry our girls, or to draw unwanted attention. After tests were in, one MRI revealed an “incidental finding.” I love that term. As if it was purely by accident that the doctor found it. (Yes, I know that it is referring more to the fact that it wasn’t what they were looking for, but there just are no accidents or coincidences with God!) On to the neurologist we went with more MRI’s, blood tests, and questions. Results were in and none of the things they were looking for were present. Praise God! And I mean that. I don’t ever want to overlook the fact that there were some pretty scary things they were looking for. (One lesson I’m learning through this is to thank God for what isn’t. More on that later.) 

What they found is something I was most likely born with. They call it a Chiari 1 Malformation, and it is basically a condition in which my skull isn’t large enough for my brain so part of my brain is descended down in the spinal cord region. Why symptoms are presenting themselves now is a bit of a mystery. Mystery to me, that is, not to God. The fix? Surgery. Nasty, invasive, decompressing surgery. The neurologist acknowledged my worsening symptoms and sent me on to a neurosurgeon for a “consultation.” Surgery was scheduled for May 24, but here it is, May 29 and I still have my entire skull intact. 

So...lessons? Almost too many to count. God is teaching me:

• To thank Him for what isn’t.
• That I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
• That I exist to show His glory.
• That God is mighty and sovereign.
• That the body of Christ is a beautiful thing.
• That in Him alone will I find strength.
• To trust fully in His goodness.
• That He is a God of peace.
• To wait on Him.
• To be still and quiet in His presence.